It's not over.

Over the years his speech was the same; over the years his mind went through a different path; over the years his pain went between lighter and harder in its own way.

Life is a constant war, he says.
Living the life is a constant war, he corrects himself.
Life isn't a war. Your choices turns it into consequences that leads it to a constant war. My choice, she said.

I'm on my apex, my best shape in every aspect. The consequence of this? I'm in my worst as well. When I say worst, I truly mean it.
You see, I'm on my best professional shape but I'm also in my worst when it regards my personal life. Consequences of my choices.
I'm on my best moment with my conscience but I'm also in my worst period of loneliness.
Consequences of my choices.
I'm in my best moment with myself but I'm also in my worst health shape somehow.
Consequences of my choices.
Kicked cancer's ass three times but i'm still getting my ass kicked (super hard) by my derma.
Consequences of my choices
I'm being watched by other companies and huge professionals that wants me on their staff but I'm also feeling that I need to stay where I'm now even if I'm not happy at all.
Consequences of my choices.
Once again, consequences of my choices.

I'm on my best but I'm in my worst.

Life goes on that way, you're the best and worst, it's up to you to make the right choices and dose it to be only the best of you.

After all, talk shit or senseless stuff in pain are a huge consequence of my choice right now.

Nostalgy

A few days ago I had a dream, I call it a nightmare to the world, but it was a dream at the end.
I had a dream about her, the one I loved, the one I love and the one I will always have inside my bloody burned and overwhelmed heart.
Woke up feeling like trash, cried that whole morning.
Got some balls and texted her.
We weren't talking for over two or three months at that point.
She texted me back.
God knows where my heart went in that long period of 2 seconds.
She said she was glad that i'm ok and that was it.
I droped it. She was in my past. She dropped me in her past. I was no longer a lover, friend, whatever.
I moved on.
Working almost 62 hours per week. Feeling like trash and barely having some sort of sleep.
Worked 14 hours yesterday, got 3 hours of troubled sleep. Had a few energy drinks on my way to work, a few painkiller pills and here I am.
You're wandering what from all of this is related with that lady.
Well, she just texted me, she just told me that she misses me.
My whole world just collapsed. My head just collide.
Gosh, I need a drink.

Missing her.

I miss you so fucking much.

More than i should.

More than i want to.

Eitherway, at the end, i miss you.

A Random Thought

"The girl looks sad on the street"

This thought have been walking around all the corners of my mind these past few days. This is a old Stone Sour's song quote, and it goea beyond the simple words.
The girls may look sad on the streets, but, can you figure the metaphor in this? LIFE is sad outside your safeplace. Walking around in all kind of situation you can spend a few moments to look at peoples face. Check them out, look deep in their eyes, can you see anything? I have a broken soul for this. Every single person I get the chance to see through the bright side of their eyes, I always meet painfuled souls.
Does anyone have the chance to be happy at some point? Rise some joy bright in their eyes? Or even worst, can I rise some bright deep in my eye's soul? While we live in a world full of betrayal, pain, lack of friendship, replacements. Where's the loyaltie these days?
Truth is, if you are useful, you worth it. If you become expendable, you worth shit.
People killing people, people using people, people betraying people and pretending to be...nice people.
Am I capable to love again? Attach again? Believe in friendship again? Any and eitherway...life goes on. Make a wake up call and live with it, otherwise, there's no room for you in this, street.

Uma Mulher Chamada São Paulo

Você é assim, não é?
Cheia de sotaque,
Cheia de ser importante,
Cheia de conhecimento e cultura.
Ouvi falar que você é perigosa,
Sabe ser obscura e malvada.
Mas também ouvi falar que você é carinhosa,
Acolhedora.
Vejo em você todas essas curvas sensuais,
Todo esse brilho que me tira o ar.
Stressada durante o dia, mas,
existem rumores que sabe ser calminha
e romantica nos períodos noturnos.
Há quem diga que na noite, na balada,
Você também sabe ser safada, maliciosa,
tentadora.
Existem aqueles que sentam no bar
e dizem que você fica molhada fácil e
também fica quente como poucas.
Mas me contaram que você também é
frágil e sabe ser fria durante o inverno
e até mesmo durante o alto verão.
Um amigo foi em um jantar seu,
diz ele ser a melhor culinária
de toda América Latina.
Seu passado te condena,
mas também brilha.
Seu presente, me leva a confessar que te amo,
Seu futuro só me faz afirmar que,
Nunca vou te deixar,
Vou te marcar com fogo na pele,
Vou te ter no coração e nunca vou te trair.
Por que é bem simples,
Eu Te Amo,
São Paulo.
Feliz Aniversário.
#Sampa458